searching for whimsy, desire, curiosity, and the light airy vibe one has when truly enjoying their life is a remarkable challenge. even more so when you felt like you had it for just a moment before it slipped away and existential dread took over. we couldn't possible have known what the future would become but imagine if we did and had the chance to hold on to joy, authenticity, and connection for a little longer. sitting in the depths of existentialism, languish, depression, or even apathy is acutely unsettling and yet, here we are. stuck in that place until the longing for creation is unbearable. i'm not sure i've reached the stage where i couldn't stop myself, but i'm close enough that it seems worth the energy to force that final push.